Let the Losers (Who Are Winners) Shut Up.

It's probably my least favorite thing about playing tournaments at the felt. It drives me nuts - ethically and mentally - when I've won a hand, and the other person lays down their cards while congratulating me, only their hand shows I'm really the loser.

I hate when somebody wins, and they don't even know it. I think the only thing worse is when they say, "Ummmm... I got this. Does that make me a winner?" They don't even know it and they totally just kicked your... butt. If you don't even know what trumps what, then don't sit down.

I'll be the first to admit when I started playing regularly, I could never remember what was better amongst a full house, straight, or flush. For the life of me, I always got the three confused. However, the minute I sat at a table, and realized the annoyance that it caused other players to have me constantly asking, I made it a point to commit the order to memory for the sake of the other players at the table. It's common courtesy.

And pot splashing! That also drives me nuts. Don't throw your chips in like you're the coolest person in the world. You just asked me what a "straight" was. You have no right to take your chips and casually act like you own the table. And, since you don't own the table, don't jump to "calling" or "raising". I haven't bet yet. Wait your turn! I'm only going to say, "Wait, I still have a turn" so many times before I have somebody punch you in the face. (After all, I'm a lady.)

When you sit at my table, I'm not your babysitter. I'm not your tutor. I'm not there to hold your hand, and say, "Nice hand. You actually have a flush in your hand, so you beat me. Here's your chips." If you don't know your hands, don't sit. And if you do sit, shut up.