As a casino dealer, I’m privy to the hottest gambling tips and the most fascinating gambling stories. And there’s nothing better than hearing a rip-snorting joke to boost my spirits. In today’s article I’m going to open the floodgates into the nether-regions. Be warned that the joke of the day is a little crude, but I think with a mature audience that loves to gamble – we’re in pretty safe hands. Without further ado, I’d like to introduce you all to Grandma Ellie.
Grammy’s got the banker where she wants him
Picture this: Nevada State Bank on a balmy afternoon. Grandma Ellie hobbles in to talk to the teller, lugging a hefty sack under her arm. “I’d like to make a deposit please,” she says to a beaming young clerk. “Surely ma’am – how much would you like to deposit? $100 - maybe a little more?” Grandma Ellie screws her eyes up towards him and says, “Substantially more than that sonny! Go get your bank manager if you want my deposit.” The teller is taken off guard and hurriedly goes to the back office in search of the bank manager. Moments later he emerges with the manager of the Nevada State Bank hot on his heels.
“Hello miss – how may I help you?” says the dapper manager. Satisfied at this serendipitous turn of events Grandma Ellie responds, “Good. I’d like to deposit this bundle - $1.8 million dollars. But first I’d like to make a simple bet with you.” The bank manager – a Mr Baskin – is momentarily taken off guard. “…well this is Nevada – Las Vegas and all - I guess I’m willing to listen – come to my office miss.” Grandma Ellie follows him into a nicely furnished office.
‘Here’s the deal: I’m going to give you odds of 5 to 1 that your crown jewels will be square on Friday at high noon.” The bank manager is completely perplexed. “That’s absurd! I’d be willing to make that bet any day.” Grandma Ellie smiles, “Good then it’s set. The stakes are $20,000 – if you win I’ll pay you out $100,000 and you get to deposit my cash in this bank.” The bank manager pulls out his bank-guaranteed check book and fills in the numbers.
Friday arrives and Grandma Ellie is full of surprises
It’s 11:55 am and Grandma Ellie and a man in a suit push through the doors to the Nevada State Bank. She’s got a great big smile on her face as she and the man strut into the manager’s office. “Well my dear, it appears that you’ve lost the bet,” he whispers into her ear as she walks in. “My crown jewels are perfectly normal - they’re not square. You owe me $100,000.” Grandma Ellie ponders for a moment and whispers into his ear, “I need to verify for myself if you don’t mind.” The bank manager stares at the unknown man – her lawyer he presumes – and proceeds to drop his pants. Grandma Ellie walks over to the bank manager and verifies facts for herself – in full view of the man in the suit. “Take your hundred grand,” she says, “I made a $1 million bet with this Las Vegas high-roller behind me, that by 12 noon on Friday I’d have the bank manager’s crown jewels in my hands!”
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