So there I am buttoning up my overcoat and getting ready to start a double shift at the blackjack tables. Then it hits me. There’s a car show in town and not just any car show – these are hotrods of note. We’re talking dropped suspension, bubbling tailpipes, neon lights, nitrous, roll bars and the like. In fact these awesome cars could have been on the set of Hollywood’s Gone in 60 seconds or the Fast and Furious series. Nonetheless I’m keen to get to work and perhaps some of these dudes will be playing at my tables. And not a moment too soon either. As I step up to deal the cards, a group of these guys gets seated. You know what time it is – it’s time for some great humor courtesy of Las Vegas gambling patrons.
Let’s get this show on the road
Okay so I’m dealing my 5th hand now and the guys have all had a couple of rounds of drinks. The big guy at my table – his name’s Bud – he leans over and tosses me a $50 chip. ‘Take it! You’re dealing me great cards tonight.’ I politely oblige and continue to listen eagerly to his amazing stories of mechanical engineering, drag racing and high-stakes contests. The other guys at the table are fascinated with Bud’s stories and soon we’re all having a great time.
One of his better jokes is delivered with precision – ‘So this guy is shopping at 7-11 and after 5 minutes he decides to step outside and get some fresh air. He notices a police officer writing out a ticket. ‘Hey officer! Give a dude a break. It’s a cold day and I think you’d be doing this community a good service by tearing up that ticket on the car.’ The officer perks up and proceeds to write another ticket because the man is harassing him. The man who is now fully animated, decides to rile up the officer even more. ‘Hey officer! That’s just not right. There’s more important things to be doing than writing up tickets for nonsense. This car is close enough to the curb.’ The officer’s face turned red and he wrote up another ticket for having smooth tires.’ The man continued to hurl insults at the traffic cop. The truth was he didn’t care that the officer had written up 3 tickets because his car was parked around the back of the lot – 2 blocks away.
The car joke that took the cake
So this business mogul walks into a New York City bank and asks for a loan officer. ‘I’d like to apply for a $4,000 loan please.’ The bank’s loan officer told the man that he would need to provide some collateral for the loan. ‘No problem sir,’ said the man. He reached into his pocket and removed keys to his Rolls Royce. ‘The car’s at the front of the bank,’ he said. The loan officer hands the keys to an employee who drove it into the bank’s parking lot for safekeeping until the man repaid the loan. The bank checked the man’s accounts and credit history and approved the loan. 2 weeks later the man arrives to repay the loan - $4000 + $15 interest. The loan officer is curious about something, ‘Sir you’re clearly a multimillionaire – why would you need a paltry $4,000 loan?’ The shrewd businessman looks at him, ‘Where else could I get parking in New York City for 2 weeks for only $15?”
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