Let the Vegas Winners Roar

I’d like to welcome gambling aficionados back to 777.com – the hottest destination for casino-style humor right from the heart of Las Vegas, Nevada. I’ve been following star performers for pretty much most of my life here in Vegas. If there’s a comedy act that’s worth its salt, chances are it has already been showcased in this city. I remember sitting in on a live performance when the comedian walks on stage and yells out, ‘All the Vegas winners stand up and cheer.’ An uneasy calm descended over the entire hall. This was expected mind you; the funny part was when he called out, ‘All the Vegas losers stand up and cheer!’ which was followed by rapturous applause, laughter and a buzz around the auditorium.  If the truth be told, there’s lots of ways to win in Vegas and one of them is simply showing up. This city never sleeps – it’s pulsing around the clock – just like NYC only better, because here everyone’s in an entertainment bubble.  

The performer went on to explain that he’d just signed a contract with the Bellagio hotel, only to explain soon afterwards that he was now waiting for them to sign the same contract too. He said he was staying in the Presidential Suite - at motel 6 – but that the service was superb. You’ve got to be fast to follow the comedy acts in Vegas because the incisive humor is replaced by new jokes soon after the words have spilled from their mouths.  Steve Rossi then went on to explain that there were portraits of all the US Presidents in the lobby and when he went to his bedroom and lay down on his bed he was shocked. He looked up and saw mirrors. Stuck onto the mirror was the following message: ‘Please be advised: objects may appear to be bigger than they really are.’ Not much comfort to budding couples looking to impress one another, is it?

A series of jokes to close off this week’s article

So Steve is going strong now – the audience is warmed up. He says, ‘I love my wife. She’s such a quiet lady. Just the other day I was making love to her and I say ‘Honey – why you so quiet?’ she calls out – I’m in the bathroom silly! I’m like – good stay there – I’m having a better time by myself.’ Steve then explains that he wants to be on top the next time around – so his wife suggests getting a bunk bed for him. He responds, ‘Perhaps I’ll get a strobe light for you honey – at least that way it may actually look like you’re moving while we’re making love.’ Steve figures he’s good for Medicare benefits so he heads off to the local office with his wife. The consultant looks at the gray hairs on his chest and says that he qualifies. While they’re walking out of the office, his wife says to him: ‘Honey it’s a good thing she didn’t ask you to drop your pants.’ ‘Why?’ he asks. ‘Because then you would have qualified for total disability!’

Thanks to everyone who makes this humor section such a popular weekly attraction. I’ll be back with some fantastic tales of Vegas fun, right here on 777.