Saddle Up in Las Vegas

So here’s the deal – note the pun on the latter word, since we’re in Las Vegas after all. I’m sitting at a splendid Vegas casino – it’s the MGM Grand in case you all were wondering. No, I’m not working there, but it is my day off and I’m thinking that this would be an ideal opportunity to shoot some craps at their sprawling tables. So I decide to mosey on down to their glittering tables, girlfriend in tow, and join the procession. It’s been a beautiful day and I’m keen to win a bundle of loot – as Valentine’s Day is coming up soon and my fiancé really likes the finer things in life. So I figure if I can get on the shooter’s side and get the right come out roll and not crap out, then I’m good. That’s precisely when I stumbled onto a group of guys who had me keeling over. Yes, it’s that time of the week again – jokes galore, fun and more. Let’s get started with what promises to be an entertaining slice of something extra nice :)

So one fine day, the Lone Ranger and his ever-faithful companion Tonto walk into a Vegas bar. Let’s just imagine that it’s the days of old Vegas – the story is far more believable. These folks want a beer so after a minute or two, a swarthy cowboy saunters in and rambles: ‘Who’s the owner of that fine steed out there yonder?’ Surprised, the Lone Range stand up – exposing his full height of 6’2’’ and says, ‘That’d be me partner. What’s the problem?’ With his hand resting on his six-shooter, the Lone Ranger is ready for anything. The brow-beaten cowboy tips his hat and responds, ‘Fine animal it must have been. But I thought you’d like to know that your handsome steed is now pushing daisies – dead as a door nail.’ Taken aback the Lone Ranger and Tonto sprint outside to take a look at the horse – Hi-Ho Silver: it was true, Silver was near collapse from the brutal heat outside.

Tonto grabbed a pale full of water and drenched the horse with one bucket after another. Sure enough, Silver was starting to come to. Relieved, the Lone Ranger pets his trusted partner. Worried that Silver would fall ill again, the Lone Ranger instructs Tonto to run circles around Silver to create just enough of a breeze to keep him air-conditioned. Tonto complies and the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to wolf down some more bar snacks and drink another pint of house beer. Soon thereafter, another cowboy waltzes into the bar. ‘Who’s the owner of that beautiful white horse out there?’ he asks. The Lone Ranger is in no mood for jaunting and utters, ‘Me – what’s the problem now?’ The man tips his Stetson and says, ‘Well nothing pardner, I thought you’d like to know that you simply left your Injun runnin!’

The priest that simply had to pay homage to his congregants in Las Vegas

One fine day a new pastor moved to Vegas and went out one Saturday to visit his community, house by house. Everything was going just swell until he arrived at one particular house. It was clear that there was someone at home, but nobody came to the door when he knocked. Slightly irritated, but none too perturbed he took out his calling card and wrote down the following words on the back of the card: ‘Revelation 3:20.’ He slipped the card under the door and walked away. The next day at the Church he was counting the offerings that the congregation had made and he was surprised to find the selfsame card in the plate.

Below his card was a message scribbled in red ink, ‘Genesis 3:10.’ The pastor laughed heartily. The pastor opened up his bible and read from each respective section. Revelations 3:20 read as follows: ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.’ And Genesis 3:10 pronounced: ‘And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.’