What’s the Buy-In for a Giggle?

Here at 777.com the fun never ends. As a casino dealer I’ve rolled with the big dogs and punted with the very best of them. But what really tickles my fancy – time and again – is the glut of gambling jokes adorning Las Vegas dens. Join me as the funniest jokes from folks bring giggles and smiles to one and all.

This is one of the funnier gambling-style jokes I’ve heard and it involves a man named Abe. This fellow is what one might call down-and-out. Abe has lost his job, his house and his friends. Thanks to a series of poor decisions, bad business deals and rotten luck – but one thing he hasn’t lost is his faith. So one night he speaks to the Lord: ‘Help me Lord. I’ve lost pretty much everything of value to me in life. And now my wife and I are teetering on the brink of destitution. Can’t you please let me win the national lottery this week?” He opens his eyes and thanks G-d for listening to him.

Later that same week he checks the lottery results and notes that some lady from Rochester won the lottery. Confused, he goes down on his hands and knees and earnestly repeats his pleas to the Lord. Later in the next week he checks the lottery results and again notes that someone else from another city has won it. ‘Lord I don’t understand what’s going on here? I mean – I’m on my knees asking for help and other people keep on winning the lottery.’ What follows is a blinding flash of light. Through the sheer white brilliance he hears the Lord’s voice: ‘Abe, you’ve got to meet me halfway here pal – buy a lottery a ticket!’

Following on in the same vein as the aforementioned lottery caper, a fellow from St. Paul wins the lottery. He rushes back home to break the news to his wife: “Edith! Pack your bags – I’ve just won the Powerball lottery!” Edith replies, “What should I pack? How much should I take?” The husband smiles inwardly, “Quite frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn – as long as you’re out of this house by noon today.”

A player at a blackjack table is down on his luck. He’s just gambled away his life savings and has maxed out his credit cards. With no hope of recovering his losses, he heads to the men’s room. But alas, he needs a quarter to use the lavatory. Another gambler flicks him a quarter, but the stall was actually left open. So he uses to the quarter to win a huge series of jackpots at the slot machines. By the end of the night he’s won $2.5 million at the tables.

After his lucky gambling streak he embarks on a nationwide tour speaking up in favor of positive thinking. At one such lecture he says, ‘If ever I find my benefactor, I’ll split my loot with him down the middle.’ After several weeks, at another one of his seminars, a man raises his hand and says – ‘I gave you that quarter sir,’ to which the millionaire replies – ‘I was referring to the man who left the toilet stall open for me!’